OPEN LETTER TO Jacinda Ardern PM

OPEN LETTER TO  Jacinda Ardern PM   OVER MY TREATMENT IN A STATE INSTITUTION IN NZ

My name is Malcolm Justice i was sexually abused by my teacher at school that set me off BECOMING angry and lashing out as no one would listen to what I was trying to tell them so ended up at shrink who I believe wrongly diagnosed me with schizophrenia when admitted to lake Alice as after getting out of lake Alice I have not been treated for any mental illness until recently which was PTSD and suffered this because of what happened to me in lake Alice. I was in Lake Alice in 1974 for a few months after trying to run away from their I was taken to a cell stripped naked and given ECT while awake EVENTUALLY the power was increased and I lost CONCISENESS, on COMING too a male nurse was raping me. a few hours later I put my mattress up against the door to block the small window on the door not that anyone was watching then I put my bed on its end climbed up the bed put my sheet around the red steel sprinkler pipe and around my neck and shoved the bed over the bang alerted some other children who ran to get staff as they could not see in the cell the staff cut me down in time and rang Dr. Leeks who ordered my bed and cloths removed from the room and was then shocked with ECT again one side of head piece was on my backside the other side on my testicals after being shocked there then I was shocked on my head until I passed out. I do not believe I was watched until I came to and when I came to naked and cold in that cell with no food or water for at least a day and had to use a bucket for a toilet which could not be emptied until I was let out. I also received other standard ECTs where you where put to sleep which where also traumatic as the children where always last in the queue you would here the trolly coming down the row i person at a time with some old people crying and saying please no the wait was almost worse than the treatment, after ECT i would wake up back in the day room siting in a chair no one was watching you to make sure you where ok as you came around and i had no idea how I got back to my villa the whole time their I lived in fear some times on waking up another boy would have his hand down your pants and you knew if you caused a fight you would be dragged off for more ECT or some staff just gave you a shot of paraldyde shot into your backside was very painful and you could sort of taste it. It made it painful to move I was aloud to go home for christmas and on hearing mum and dad talking about taking me back after christmas i ran away from home after a while of living rough i found a job on a dairy farm i did this work as it had full board and food supplied and I had milked 2 house cows on a farm we lived on for a while i worked very long hours which helped me to sleep as when i was not totally worn out i would have bad nightmares one day while in town a couple of years after starting that job i was in town and bumped into a boy from lake alice he asked me what i was doing and where i was living this boy scared me as he had dobed me and some others in for smoking behind our villa in lake alice i was so afraid he would tell the police i was a runaway from lake alice i went back to my job did the milking that night packed my bags and when everyone was asleep took off so not even they would know where I was. I drove about 3 hours before stopping in Napier where to my surprise i got a job very quickly as i had left my other job without being paid i was short of money to go any further it was a job in a wooden mill doing 12 hour shifts so helped with sleep i then met a girl and sort of settled down the mill went broke and i lost my job so moved north to another farm as good life for kids and i did not like to be around people it was my point being i was living in fear for a long time after escaping lake alice i was 15 in lake alice and about 35 before i found out it was closed and realised i would not be captured and sent back. A lot more has happened between then and now like two heart attacks which i think the ECT had an effect on docs put it down to smoking but all my family smoke drink some do drugs and i am the fittest one and the one with the health problems. it is only in the last 5 years that i have been able to deal with all the trauma in my childhood i was much to afraid to seek help from doctors as i did not trust them still not sure if i do so, in short, have lost most of my life to being to scared to get help deal with the trauma caused by lake alice they say i have PTSD my wife has to sleep in the spare room when i have bad dreams so i do not hurt her as i tend to thrash around and yell. I think the small amount we got from the NZ Government after we paid our own massive legal fees as we were refused legal aid was an insult it was divided up on time spent in lake Alice and not the effect the place had on your life or health and then after we fought for some small amount of justice through the proper legal channels the others that came later got more than twice as much as no legal fees so the Government did us another injustice and refuses to put that right.  although they did try to make it fair by holding back from the others imaginary legal fees but as this was in itself illegal and you had to give it back to them after they took you to court over it I am now 56 years old and just starting my life it just does not seem fair to me thank you.                                                       PS. One more thing i would like to say is i am very disappointed with the Government as they gave us a few dollars The payouts were also ex gratia, not proper compensation and merely settling an out of court civil action against the Government but at no time did they offer what we really needed which was rehab from what had happened to us which may have meant i would have begun to live my life much sooner than now and at no time have they admitted responsibility for our poor treatment nor have they disciplined any staff for what they did I do not feel this is good enough. yours sincerely Malcolm Justice